A pounding, beating, crying, screaming insistence. Now. Now. Now. There's something now now now. I can see it now, hear it now, do it now now now! If only I knew it.
An enchanted forest springs up only to be beaten down by a deafening drum roll which gives way to a searing pain. Turmoil ensues as incompatible passions struggle to be felt, seen, heard. Underneath it all, steady as the pulsing heart, beats now now now, I need it now.
I will not wait to be heard when I'm good and loud. I will not wait to be seen when I'm good and tall. I will not wait to be felt when I'm good and strong, I will do it now! My thoughts deafen me now, my feelings pound to powder now, I am too strong in me now, I drown in me me me now now now!
I will be heard so I can hear others, I will cry now so I can see others now, I will embrace my brother now so he can embrace me in his time of need. Now, Now, Now, I will do something Now.
I love your writing. You have a very distinctive voice and your imagery is clear and sharp and often moving. I always want more -- I know these are short pieces intentionally, but I would love to see you develop something a bit more and take us into the story, and not just the feelings. Sometime try letting the story evoke the feelings in us and don't define the feelings and make us wonder at the story -- does this make sense?? But you always leave me wanting more and that is always a good thing :)
ReplyDeleteEva! This was good to read at 4:45 am when I can't get back to sleep. I need to sleep NOW! But if I can't sleep, I'm glad to have something worthwhile to do now--that need for immediate action, for not sitting idly and waiting is so familiar to me. So Eva, I'm curious--who is this inside voice? Who is this speaker? Is this you? Is this a persona you are exploring? Are these questions that you can answer? E-mail me if you don't want to post the answers here. I think it could be an interesting exercise for you to consider who else might feel these snapshots of emotion that you depict here. Someone stuck in a long line at the post office? Probably not an intense enough situation to generate those feelings. Someone who can't move, who is limited in some way? That reminds me of the wheelchair project you've been doing and the emotions of the people waiting for wheelchairs. I think it might be interesting for you to explore who else would be feeling these things that you describe, and then read your piece from their perspective to see if it still rings true.
ReplyDeleteBTW, my favorite paragraphs are the last two. I got a little lost in the imagery of the second paragraph, although it makes sense in the context of your other writing--you have some repeating motifs, among them, forests, which I like. But the rhythm of those last two paragraphs is really compelling. If you were to set this piece to classical music, who would be the composer?
By the way, this is Eva/inside voice, but I forgot to switch google accounts...
ReplyDeleteYeah, the inside voice is mine, the one that talks all the time and makes me crazy if i don't give it some other space to resonate than just in my own head. I mainly wrote this particular piece because my head was feeling so
chaotic and confused that I needed to organize some part of it and set it away, outside of myself. That's kind of what the second paragraph is about, just all of the potential in any given person screaming to be used, whether it's imagination (the forest) or music (the drum roll) or sensation/passion (the pain), all battling to be paid attention to, to be used, to not wait passively.